Michelle was beautiful, not just physically, but in the way she thought, spoke, and related to others. She was funny, kind, and seemed to know exactly what to say at the right moment. She was a deep thinker and insightful in a unique way. But she never felt it for herself.

Whatever she did, it was never enough. If she ran two miles today, it had to be three tomorrow. If she ate “well” today, she had to do the same, or better, the next. The goalposts kept moving. Even when she reached her goal weight (more than once) the same feelings of inadequacy remained.

Nothing changed, because the way that she felt about herself didn’t change.

So, it’s not just what you do. It’s how you feel about yourself.

You can strive, achieve, and push yourself forward. But how do you feel when you wake up in the morning? How do you feel when you’re alone? Before you start something new, meet someone new, or start a new challenge?

Do you only feel okay when you’ve achieved something? Or can you feel at ease in moments where nothing is being proved?

I don’t believe any eating behaviour is inherently bad in itself.

You can track calories, restrict, eat past fullness, eat “clean,” or eat ultra-processed food, and none of these behaviours alone define a problem. What matters is the meaning behind them.

Are you doing what you’re doing because it brings you joy? Or because you’re trying to fix, control, or make yourself acceptable?

Is food, or the control of it, becoming a way to try to like yourself and your life?

How you feel about yourself, and your life, is where the work really begins.