depression

Maybe What You Need Isn’t More Advice, But Someone to Listen

~ Patina Counselling ~ Leave a comment

In the 1980s, if you wanted to receive advice on how to grow a tomato, you probably had to talk to someone, or go to the library and get out a book on the topic. The time frame between wanting to grow the tomato and getting the information on how to grow said tomato might be a week or so. That’s provided that you knew someone, or the library had the book you wanted in stock, and that there was enough information available on the said topic. You might still feel confused when you read the book; perhaps it wasn’t written well enough, or didn’t have enough diagrams for you to understand. In which case, maybe you’d sign up for a course, or try to find an expert to speak to.

These days, information has never, ever been easier to attain. Especially if you know how to use a phone. With the click of a few buttons, and/or maybe the use of an AI website, you can pretty much guarantee some decent information on any chosen subject, and the option to clarify anything you don’t understand. Information is no longer rare or difficult to access.

Given the abundance of resources, there is a really, really good chance that you already know what the problem is, and you already know what you should (at least in theory) be doing. The issue usually isn’t about information, it’s usually more about the experience of being isolated and frustrated. You might be surrounded by people, but does it feel like you can relax and talk about your struggles without being interrupted, or advised to do things you already know about?

You may know that you’re low, or that you’re stuck in a binge-loop cycle. You may have already read up on it, and have good insight into what needs to be done. But doing anything on your own in life is tough. Accountability and care are the difference between the idea of doing something and the reality of living it. Especially when you hit a dip, or change starts feeling exhausting and painful, and your coping mechanisms seem more attractive than the idea of a different life.

Talking is cathartic and being able to hear your own voice explain the problem can help you solve it. I’ve seen it enough times now to know that it works.  

Do I Need Counselling? A Norwich Counsellor Explains

~ Patina Counselling ~ Leave a comment

Many people looking for counselling in Norwich ask this question. They wonder whether their difficulties are challenging enough to talk to someone about.

I think this is a great question.

My initial thoughts are: what constitutes a need, and what constitutes a want? When does something become essential, and when is it simply something that might be useful? How do you know when the desire for support becomes urgent, and does it have to be urgent in order to be worth having?

To begin answering this question, it might be helpful to consider what counselling offers.

Counselling can provide:

  • A safe space that is focused entirely on you and your life.
  • A weekly, consistent place to discuss and process what matters to you.
  • The knowledge that you will be respected, cared for, and rooted for.
  • A relationship with someone whose only aim is to walk alongside you.

With that in mind, we might think about the times when that kind of space becomes particularly helpful, or perhaps even essential.

For example:

  • When you feel stuck or overwhelmed, unsure where to turn or what the next steps in life might be.
  • When you feel like you’ve tried many options but are becoming exhausted or discouraged.
  • When significant relationships break down and you’re experiencing heartbreak, conflict. You might benefit from someone you can talk about the same person or situation without ever being told to “move on.”
  • When you notice yourself repeating the same patterns again and again, perhaps feeling caught in cycles around food, smoking, gambling, or other behaviours you wish you could change.
  • When you feel lonely or isolated, even if there are people around you.

These are just some of the reasons people come to counselling.

However, even if nothing major is happening in your life, it can still be valuable to have a space to talk, to understand yourself better, and to make sense of your experiences.

You don’t have to be struggling deeply or in crisis to come to counselling. There is no pressure to arrive with difficult problems or to justify why you are there. You might come simply to reflect, to explore, or even to celebrate parts of your life.

However you arrive, you are welcome.

Many people imagine that you need to be in crisis to begin counselling. In reality, people often come because something simply doesn’t feel quite right in their lives.

If you’re curious about counselling, you’re very welcome to contact me for an initial conversation. As a person-centred counsellor in Norwich, I offer a warm and confidential space where you can explore whatever feels important to you.