In order to answer this question, it can help to slow down and ask: what does guilt actually feel like? What is it?

Guilt is often experienced as a sense as the sinking, anxious feeling that we’ve done something wrong, alongside a sense of not wanting to be found out. At its core, guilt is relational. Historically, when we lived in close-knit communities, being excluded could threaten our survival. So guilt developed as a way of keeping us within the “rules” of the group.

Because of this, guilt tends to show up when we feel we’ve broken some kind of code, whether that’s spoken or unspoken. It can bring up a fear of being judged, criticised, or shamed.

When it comes to food, those “rules” are often learned over time.

You might have grown up being told to finish everything on your plate, to avoid snacks, or that certain foods should only be eaten at certain times. You might have been told that certain bodies were acceptable, and others weren’t. Later on, you might have created your own rules based on how you want your body to look or how you think you should eat, perhaps around calories, portions, or “good” and “bad” foods.

Once a rule exists, breaking it can bring guilt.

That guilt might come with thoughts that sound familiar:
“I’m greedy”
“I have no self-control”
“I can’t stick to anything”

Or it might not come with words at all. Just a tight, and/or heavy, uncomfortable feeling, and a sense, in that moment, that you don’t quite like yourself.

Food guilt is incredibly common because of how normal it is to have rules around food.

Most people have dieted, or been around dieting. Most people have absorbed ideas about what’s “good” or “bad” to eat. Many of us were given messages about food growing up, even if they weren’t meant harmfully.

So it makes sense that guilt can show up here.

But often, it’s not really about the food. We may know that what we’re doing is objectively not wrong, we may still judge ourselves. We can use food, and the control of it, to try and feel better or differently about our lives and selves.

Underneath, food guilt can be connected to much deeper things:

• a need for control
• a sense of safety
• feelings about worth
• a desire to feel “good enough”

Sometimes, we begin to tie our self-worth to what we do. The idea becomes: if I can get this right, if I can eat perfectly, then maybe my body will change, and I’ll feel okay about myself.

But when that doesn’t happen (which it inevitably won’t, because these rules are often rigid or unrealistic), the feeling doesn’t just disappear. Instead, it can reinforce the belief that we’re failing in some way.

And so the cycle continues.

Your relationship with food can often reflect your relationship with yourself.

It can tell us something about how you see yourself, and what you believe you’re worth.

And that’s why simply trying to “fix” eating behaviours doesn’t always resolve the guilt. Because the feeling often isn’t just about the food: it’s about something deeper that’s asking to be understood.

And this is where counselling can help.

Not by giving you more rules, or telling you what you should be doing with food, but by creating space to understand what’s underneath it all.

If food feels complicated, or if guilt is something you’re carrying often, you don’t have to figure it out on your own.

This is an area I specialise in, and something I care deeply about. I work with people to gently explore their relationship with food, but also who they are beyond it, what matters to them, how they see themselves, and how they might begin to relate to themselves in a different way.

If that resonates, you’re very welcome to get in touch.